Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ''If all Men are created equal, where's the rest of your Pen!s?!!!

   They say a woman's work is never done. Maybe that's why they get paid less.

   The global gender ratio is 60:40. So there are millions of women who cant find a man. Remember that next time we ask you to make a sandwich.

   I think interrogations of mass murderers, serial killers and terrorists should be broadcasted live on tv.

   There are countless ways of attaining greatness, but any road to reaching one's maximum potential must be built on a bedrock of respect for the individual, a commitment to excellence, and a rejection of mediocrity."

   Looks like Jerry Sandusky is still screwing kids(players) at Penn State even after he's gone!

   Gay men in the missionary position are just like yogurt: Fruit on the bottom.

   Between James Holmes, the Penn State case, and the Penn State fans... there's just a lot of sick people in the world. Trust no one!!

   Life throws you s%it, but the s%it is not always a bad thing, it's taking you to better places…

   Sometimes I just want to slap the stupid out of people, but I'm worried it'd take up my entire day

   I don't understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I'd stay at home with the wife.

   Husband-Y r there torn condoms lying on sofa? Wife-What? Where? Wife goes 2 find them & comes back angrily saying-Will you stop calling our children “Torn condoms”?

   We all at some point in our lives' think that the who, what & where are not what you thought it to be, but in the end you will have the life with whom you wanted & all the what's accomplished and more importantly be exactly where YOU want to be. Life

   I love how the best things in life are unexpected

   It is a scientific fact that the gravatational pull of a woman's cleavage on a man's eyes is too strong to be fought!!!

   A paper boy said to a customer ''Mr Smith, I wish I had 20 customers like you!'' ''Wow thats ice to hear considering I never tip and always pay late.'' said Smith The paper boy said ''I know, that's why I'd like 20 customers like you, I have 150 right now

   Everyone seems Normal until you get to know them!!!

   Avoid arguements about the toilet seat.........use the sink!!!

   I'm on the road to recovery......I'm just making a stop at the liquor store first

   Facebook is the best international stalking game I have ever played.