Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
We don't have to go to church - lets stay in bed and have our own religious experience. 
No woman can ever be into you, unless with a strap-on.
Do magazines really have to add "Alive" to "Sexiest Woman" or am I just grossly underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world?
Sometimes I just get so frustrated by the rush-hour traffic that I slam my head on the steering wheel. That's usually followed by the bus driver telling me to get out.
There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because my kitchen just pretty much has twice as much fire now
Willow Smith is 11 years old and has a tongue piercing, half of her hair shaved off, and is claiming to be bisexual? Sounds like somebody needs to move in with their auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.
If McDonald's made a deep fried pickle covered in a batter and called it the McDill Dough... would you order one?
I'm making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I'm accurate, what's the name of Justin Bieber's first album?
Just walked a mile in my own shoes............ not as good as I thought I'd be
XBox Kinect Sports is so life-like... I just got picked last!
Some of my favorite posts don't always get a lot of stars.. That's O.K. They know I love them,, and they love me back... That's all we need.
I can't wait for 12G phones,,, They'll be able to post my posts before I'm finished typing them,, And they'll probably be funnier too.
Beauty of Vodka:It looks lik Water!! Beauty of School:Water Bottles are Allowed Irony of Life:We didn't Realize This During Our School Days.
Your profile picture brings the old saying "You can't polish a turd" to mind
Yes, the carpet does match the drapes but all the furniture is from Goodwill.
During the opening Olympic ceramony I thought the Chinese uniforms looked pretty good!....And the ones worn by the Chinese team weren't too bad either!!!
Whoa whoa, calm down Swiffer commercials, you're a wet paper towel on a stick
Man Rule #6......Men's Olympic Swimming events are the ''Only'' I repeat ''Only'' time speedo's are allowed!!!
If you're home alone and wearing pants, you're doing it wrong!
Aww I'm sorry you're mad the world doesn't revolve around you. Here...let me pour you a nice, tall glass of Get Over It. 