Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'd rather be known for nothing than known for something ignorant.

   I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.

   The sexual tension between me and this woman is so high that she's using codes like 'can I take your order?'

   Facebook: Where you can be who you wish you were.

   Let's just say, if prematurely ejaculation was an Olympics sport, I would come first.

   Ladies, if you get in an argument with a guy and you have no chance of winning, start playing with your boobs. Trust me on this one.

   Good things may come to those who wait but better things come to those who know how to use their tongue.

   I buy cheap underwear because it's poorly manufactured and rips off easily without damaging his teeth.

   The downside of being tolerant is all the stuff you have to tolerate.

   So apparently Justin Bieber is planning to visit the troops in the Middle East. Taliban, this is your last shot for redemption.

   Second black out in India in two days......They really need to upgrade those tech support phone line so this will quit happening.

   Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane... ? What were they so excited about?

   Since the UPS guy won't knock on my door like he should, I'm going to put a motion activated taser by the door. When I hear the THUD, I'll go get my package.

   Either I'm seriously drunnk or gas prices are high again.... I just got pulled over by a cop on a horse!

   These XXX Olympics are not what I thought they'd be

   Nothing Screams "You're stuck in friend's Zone" like when she tags you as her brother on FB

   I have yet to be intimidated by fancy wine lists thanks to my vast knowledge of fancy wines and my eeny, meeny, miny moe system!!!

   Some girls should be given a separate web space where domains start from 'AWWW' instead of 'WWW'

   You know your ''OLD'' when your age is higher than the whole Womens Olympic Gymnastic Team!!!

   I was asked if I believed in Astrology! Of course my answer was no us Sagatarians are very skeptical people!!!