Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   My son is on 11 months and can't talk but sometimes I think it's fun to imagine what he would say if he could... like this morning; I imagined him saying "Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster

   Hello, mother. I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster.

   Definition of mixed emotions: seeing your mother-in-law go over a cliff in your brand new Porsche.

   My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist.They kept fighting tooth and nail.

   in front of his home with every electric fan he owns blowing upward, in a defiant act against Mother Nature.....Enough with the snow lady, just go watch "The Waltons" reruns until Spring......

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enoug

   you know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her.

   Im Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good ;)

   No man succeeds without a good woman behind him. Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed

   When you feel neglected think of a mother salmon who lays 3,000,000 eggs and no one remembers her on Mother's Day

   2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f**k up

   being 39 and after 20 years of living with my mother never understood what she meant by..."boys piss in the toliet" when we thought we were......Until NOW that I have a boy to clean after........GEZZZZZZZZ........

   Idea for a Christmas Party: Have two guys dress as Jesus and Santa Claus. One brings wine the other brings Eggnog with vodka. Santa brings his 12 reindeer playboy bunnies. All at your mother-in-law's house. ONE BIG JINGLE FOR THE YEAR.

   If a mute kid swears,does his mother wash his hands out with soap?

   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

   My mother wants me to get up and go to work. But the voices in my head want me to stay home and clean the guns.

   thinks mother nature is bi-polar and is off her meds!!

   The only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath!

   My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

   THE ALIENS ARE ATTACKING EARTH ON FRIDAY. THEIR PLAN IS TO KIDNAP ALL THE BEAUTIFUL & SEXY PEOPLE.. DONT WORRY, YOU'RE SAFE... I JUST WANTED TO SAY GOODBYE, PLEASE CHECK IN ON MY MOTHER IN LAW EVERY NOW AND THEN