Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Happy Valentines day!! Or as I like to call it, Thursday 
Thinks Oscar Pistorius killed his girlfriend because she didn't like him. She was 'lack-toes' intolerant.
Wife asked me what I wanted for Valentines, I pointed to my head and asked her to read my mind... That was the last thing I remember before I woke up on the floor... She is good!!
Soon on eBay: For sale, one soiled cruise ship. Will consider any offers
May your valentine's day be full of all the sinful things people give up for Lent!!
If you think you're gonna get $5000 by sharing a photoshopped photo of Bill Gates you might also want to send me your bank account username and password.
How Do People Know Dinosaurs Roared If Nobody Ever Heard One?!,...Maybe, They Meowed
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you piss me off, your balls will be, too.
I can't believe I've been walking around all day with this massive heart on
Just found out my attic is full of cotton candy!!!
Steve Martin's kid was born in December Idiot
Thank you, flowers, for being the perfect way to say, "My love for you is beautiful but will die very soon."
Happy Mushy Card Nasty Candy in a Heart Shaped Box Big Balloon That Barely Fits in Your Car And You Can't See to Back Up $75 Roses That Can be Bought Tomorrow for $20 but Must be Sent to "Prove" Your Love Stand In Line for Two Hours to Eat Day.
Please stop saying "My Valentine is my child." or "Jesus is my Valentine." Unfortunately, they don't count as real Valentine's.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
Today, people that say "liberry" ,"Jewelerry","supposably" and the Incredible"Hawk", get to celebrate "Valentimes" Day.
Some people pride themselves on their hard work. I pride myself on doing so little and yet keeping my job.
Deep Inside We All Know Money Is Everything..
Soulmate sounds like something Satan puts in his coffee.
roses are red, violets are blue, I'm sorry babe, got nothing for you. 