Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon No matter what, there will always be dirty thoughts of you floating around in people's heads somewhere.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 07:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Coffee , because beating the crap out of people is illegal.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 07:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A pizza delivery guy knocked on my door & said, "I have a pizza delivery for your next door neighbor but no one is answering the door!" I replied, "No worries they use my door as their backdoor..." and now I have a "Do not disturb" poster on my door.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 07:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 06:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man overdosed on erectile dysfunction medication one night. He went out the hard way.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 06:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chris Dorner must have been pretty serious about Ash Wednesday when he set fire to that house.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 06:26 by badmonkey Comments (0)  


   messageicon i am giving up giving up for Lent
←Rate | 02-13-2013 04:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some guy knocked on my door today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour." I said, "You've got the wrong house then man."
←Rate | 02-13-2013 04:17 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Onions think that they are ugly because you cry after you get them naked.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 03:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I WILL ALWAYS WEAR BLACK ON VALENTINES DAY.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 03:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seriously, do I look like a Valentine's person?
←Rate | 02-13-2013 03:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It turns out Muse is more than Musicians United for Safe Energy. It's an okay band too!
←Rate | 02-13-2013 01:23 by Hot Tea Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hear Justin Bieber wants Black Keys’ Patrick Carney roughed up. I wonder how much she is paying for someone to do it for her.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 00:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think they should make Sarah Palin the new Pope. Cause she can see heaven from her back yard!
←Rate | 02-13-2013 00:42 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon At one point in their life 95% of women will have intelligent DNA. Unfortunately most will spit it out.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 00:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just realised why women love shoes over clothing, because no matter how much weight they gain, the shoes still fit.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 23:59 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If women belong in the kitchen, shouldn’t men belong in the garage with all the other tools?
←Rate | 02-12-2013 23:58 by women Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup and I just took the biggest vowel movement ever.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 23:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How am I supposed to completely ignore Olympic wrestling like it doesn't exist, if it actually doesn't exist?!
←Rate | 02-12-2013 23:22 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon If police work is just watching stuff burn, then I mastered police work when I was 10 years old.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 23:14 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  




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