Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The best thing about VDay is the reese's peanut butter cups are ALWAYS fresh!

   Roses are red, violets are blue. A bag of weed is cheaper than a dinner for two.

   I love St. Valentine's Day. Not the holiday, the massacre.

   This will be my fourth year in a row being single on Valentine's Day. You guys call it "pathetic". I call it "forward thinking".

   Life is like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in a few before you find the one that's right for you.... and try to stay away from the ones that already have teethmarks in them....

   In dog beers, I only had 1

   Million dollar idea: Chocolate Nerds called Urkels.

   Well, tomorrows the day I get my job as a waiter again so I can slip fake engagement rings in every woman's drink just to watch the horror on all the guys faces.

   I'm going to decorate a valentines box and take it to work tomorrow. I'm not going to answer anyone's questions until they give me a valentine...

   Valentine's Day is for lovers. Or for people like us who will celebrate anything as long as there's slutty lingerie and saturated fats involved.

   i'm prepping for Valentines day by eating a ton of Fiber.

   Oh nooo just had a terrible dream where I was buying roses and chocolates for my Valentines's date. Thanks God it was just a dream!!!

   Just sprayed the new Febreeze "Carnival Cruise" air fragrance throughout the home. Now the whole place smells like sh*t..

   two types of woman out there on valentines day...those who just want a hallmark card...and those who want you to max out your visa card...

   When I hear someone say "Valentimes" I wanna punch them in the throat.....it's an N for No wonder you're alone

   Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.

   Being Single on Valentine's Day just reminds how pathetic some people are, and how awesome I still am for Being Single on Valentine's Day."

   Facebook has added a new feature. It's called "Log Out." Why don't you try it and take your negabot attitude with you.

   new weight loss plan: eating pasta and then antipasta.

   Cruelty is contagious in uncivilized communities.