santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   All of these couples in the Hallmark Christmas movies that fall in love in a couple of days should have sequels on the Crime Network by Halloween when one of them murders the other one.

   I'm white but not "hires someone to hang my Christmas lights" white...

   Dear Santa don't drink the milk at Bill Cosby's house!!!

   If one of Santa's helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?

   The year is 2170... All fossil fuels are depleted... Our only source for coal is Santa Claus... Everyone must be naughty for the sake of mankind.

   I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors

   Sorry I strangled you when I tried to untangle the Christmas lights.

   The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.

   Why aren't there more Christmas songs about revenge?

   Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.

   Decided I wanted solid abs this year for Christmas. Bought all solid milk chocolate Santas instead of hollow ones.

   Fool the kids into thinking this will be the best Christmas ever by circling all the expensive stuff in the Argos catalogue

   Want to have some fun with your kids? Next time you're driving with them and you see a dead Deer on the side of the road say "Uh oh! Looks like Santa lost his temper again."

   Giving me a Christmas ornament as a Christmas gift is like bringing vitamins to my funeral.

   Calm down with the Christmas music Starbucks, it's only the day after Thanksgiving.

   This year, I'm thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.

   All I want for christmas is to keep the things i've got.

   Okay Christmas, you're on the clock...

   TAMPAX have announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel..this is for the christmas period only!

   Lisa in Accounts suggested we play Xmas music in the office. Long story short, she left early due to food poisoning.