Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   And some life's are not meant for happy endings!

   My girlfriend said she wanted us to have a fairytale romance. So I poisoned her apple.

   It should be a rule that if you're going to put you kid on a leash, you can't be mad if someone walks up, asks if they bite, and pets them

   Roses are Red Violets are blue Beer is delicious Poetry is Hard Beer

   If you own a dog that can fit inside a handbag, you don't own a dog ... or even a pet. You own a fashion accessory that sh*ts a lot.

   I was playing Chess today. I beat my wife. Then I went back to playing chess.

   I usually can stay pretty strong . Today is a weaker day...maybe I'm "ovary"acting...

   Did the Broncos win the Super Bowl? I've seen thousands of children in Africa wearin Broncos shirts!

   Was late getting to the Super Bowl party and missed the first 15 seconds, but the game was already over.

   The average soccer player is 5'8" and 150 lbs. That's not a professional athelete, that's a 12 y/o in America!!

   soccer weenies ?? try some rugby......eejit!!!

   Explain this egomaniac yanks, world champs? When its a NATIONAL league? Football when you use your hands? instead of follow up highlights its who had the best commercial? Pathetic overconsumption unhappy society.

   Life is waaaaaay too short to safely remove a usb...

   I'd make more Broncos jokes, but I don't want to beat a dead horse...

   Peyton, who just so happens to own several Papa Johns Pizza's, has a New Super Bowl Special... One extra lare pizza, loaded on one side and nothing on the other!

   Soccer weanies...Oh, you bumped into me! I'll fall to the ground and pretend I was hit by a bus!

   O.J. gave Broncos a better name

   No you are mistaken my ignorant friend. I am in Africa right now and we are NOT buried in any orange clothing. Who dresses in orange? Even us have standards.

   Between Auburn and the Denver Broncos, Africa is buried in Orange clothing.

   No matter where in the world your from....From Brisbane to London to Denver...It's official...Broncos SUCKS!!!