Funny Status Messages

   What a great time to be alive. If this was 100 years ago I might randomly catch polio, get drafted to fight in WWI or be someone’s slave.

   When your girl accuses you of something just say "My mother was right about you." That will transfer attention from you to your mother.

   Everybody in the rap game are either Big or Lil', leaving a ferociously untapped "medium" market.

   At lunch, I thought the meat at Taco Bell was green for St. Patrick's Day,,, but I am now second guessing that assumption.

   Every stamp is a food stamp if you eat stamps.

   Names of missing plane's pilots announced: Wer Ar Wi and No Wan No....

   Umm, your honour? In my defence,,, I think it was a pretty decent exposure.

   Old MacDonald had a farm, EIEIO.... He couldn't produce on the scale required to make a profit at current market prices and got foreclosed, EIEIO...

   'tipsy' is not in my vocabulary... It's 'drunk' or 'sober'.

   everything that glitters is not gold and every wing isnt chicken

   Black mothers be like "your dad was on that Malaysia flight."

   One time I lost my phone for 6 days, so I feel your struggle Malaysia.

   Maybe that plane doesn't want to be found, have you ever think about that?

   What if they're looking for a "ping" but it's really a "pong?" Airplane jokes are really the in thing.

   Bobby, that Facebook is the Devil! But mama, she showed me her status and I liked it too!

   "All I asked was for a sandwich and a BJ"....... - My Tombstone

   At my funeral play the Super Mario original theme until my casket is lowered in the ground then play the underground music

   For Sale: Gently used Boeing 777. Everything looks to be there except black box. Comes with like 257 tourists & new rims. No weirdos or checks.

   Apparently when you walk in and your boss is listening to" Sister Christian ".... You AREN'T supposed to ask if it's couples skate only

   THAT'S IT,,, I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN......................... * My Tombstone