Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   my 3 year old boy just informed me that "they nailed Jesus to a plus sign"

   why is my writing white in the search bar up by the find status?

   very special day today... just for atheists... Happy Fool's Day!!

   I hate when I tell someone I'm bored, and they suggest getting together. Then I have to explain that I'm not quite that bored.

   I'm relationship intolerant.

   I was gonna tell you that you're an idiot, but I think I'll just let my silence do the talking.

   It's like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.

   My April Fools day joke blew up in my face. I threatened divorce. My wife agreed.

   Only fools fall in love, so today's the day!

   there such a thing as an April Fools' pregnancy test? Asking for a friend.

   If you are crazy enough everyday is April fools' day.

   Sorry no one understood you were making an April Fool's joke because no one thinks you have a sense of humor.

   did any of you guys ever have sex with 2 different women? In the same year?

   What if Captain Planet and Obama are gay lovers?

   Just changed in my change jar Had $729!!!! oh wait it was $7.29

   What if April Fools day doesn't really exist and it's actually the longest/greatest prank the world has ever seen......?

   If you insist on doing an April Fool's rib today, at least make a child cry.

   Truthful Tuesday: The last time I had sex, I was so excited afterward I fired my musket skyward, alerting the Confederates to our presence.

   The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.

   I'm going to get drunk white girl annoying tonight.