Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1773 of 6446

My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.

The cheapest woman is the one that costs you the most.
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11-03-2014 06:22
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I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.

Beware of popping weasels.
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11-03-2014 03:18
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maybe congress should hire Nik Wallenda to balance the budget...
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11-02-2014 22:29 by SEAN
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You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
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11-02-2014 21:59
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I was wondering if Nik Wallenda gets ordered to walk a straight line when he gets pulled over for suspicion of drinking and driving?
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11-02-2014 20:45
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You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
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11-02-2014 16:34
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I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?
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11-02-2014 10:37 by eengrms
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I was just reading, 3 Steps to Repair Your Metabolism. My three steps are. Get a beer, open beer and drink said beer. . .
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11-02-2014 09:06 by JAB
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It's only November 2nd and I'm already seeing Halloween decorations
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11-02-2014 08:09 by huck
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Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 7' to 10' tall.

Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
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11-02-2014 06:41
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X says Falling in love is like jumping off a very tall building. Your brain tells you - it's not damn a good idea, while your heart tells you - you can fly.
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11-01-2014 23:00 by BEGO
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Daylight savings tonight.. Happy extra hour of drinking everyone!!!!
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11-01-2014 19:00 by Sully
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I think I found out what commitment really is. Its not marriage, its finding a new cell phone plain to sign with...
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11-01-2014 14:40 by MWC
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So, is Charles still in charge or what?
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11-01-2014 14:38 by snotty
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There is no "non creepy" way to compliment hot girl's feet
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11-01-2014 11:57 by Pichin
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bad news: 2 Chainz will not be performing as scheduled. good news: 2 Chainz will not be performing as scheduled.
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11-01-2014 09:14
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On the one hand I feel bad that Jeniffer Lawrence privacy was invaded, but on the other hand...well that hand is busy.
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11-01-2014 08:10
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