Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
←Rate | 11-03-2014 06:23 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cheapest woman is the one that costs you the most.
←Rate | 11-03-2014 06:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
←Rate | 11-03-2014 05:21 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beware of popping weasels.
←Rate | 11-03-2014 03:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon maybe congress should hire Nik Wallenda to balance the budget...
←Rate | 11-02-2014 22:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
←Rate | 11-02-2014 21:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was wondering if Nik Wallenda gets ordered to walk a straight line when he gets pulled over for suspicion of drinking and driving?
←Rate | 11-02-2014 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
←Rate | 11-02-2014 16:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't seen an Ice Bucket Challenge video in about a week. Did we cure ALS?
←Rate | 11-02-2014 10:37 by eengrms Comments (1)  


   messageicon I was just reading, 3 Steps to Repair Your Metabolism. My three steps are. Get a beer, open beer and drink said beer. . .
←Rate | 11-02-2014 09:06 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's only November 2nd and I'm already seeing Halloween decorations
←Rate | 11-02-2014 08:09 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 7' to 10' tall.
←Rate | 11-02-2014 07:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
←Rate | 11-02-2014 06:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon X says Falling in love is like jumping off a very tall building. Your brain tells you - it's not damn a good idea, while your heart tells you - you can fly.
←Rate | 11-01-2014 23:00 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daylight savings tonight.. Happy extra hour of drinking everyone!!!!
←Rate | 11-01-2014 19:00 by Sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I found out what commitment really is. Its not marriage, its finding a new cell phone plain to sign with...
←Rate | 11-01-2014 14:40 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, is Charles still in charge or what?
←Rate | 11-01-2014 14:38 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no "non creepy" way to compliment hot girl's feet
←Rate | 11-01-2014 11:57 by Pichin Comments (1)  


   messageicon bad news: 2 Chainz will not be performing as scheduled. good news: 2 Chainz will not be performing as scheduled.
←Rate | 11-01-2014 09:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon On the one hand I feel bad that Jeniffer Lawrence privacy was invaded, but on the other hand...well that hand is busy.
←Rate | 11-01-2014 08:10 Comments (0)  




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