father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!

   Dad, this Father's Day, allow me to point out that none of my messes cost 20 billion dollars to clean up.

   Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

   Thank you dad for not pulling out!! (to be used on father's day)

   A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

   flipping channels and saw a girl I hooked up with about a year ago on the Maury show talking about she had only been with two guys and she was 100% he was the father of her baby. It was hilarious! I stopped laughing when Maury said you are not the father

   i raised myself, Happy Father's Day to me

   A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.

   By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.

   the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, do her doggie style! I'd rather have a puppy instead!”

   In these times, when a celebrity cheats on his wife with multiple women, he gets criticized and exploited everywhere. Back in the founding father days, a man cheats and his face ends up on the 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100 dollar bill.

   saw the HILLYBILLY that won the lottery bought a new car - and transfered his bumper sticker "PROUD FATHER of my NEPHEW"

   some old man is claiming Oprah is his daughter.... I think she should atleast interview him on her show. Not because he's her alleged father but because he's a black man admitting he's the baby daddy!

   a man with flaws, a failure at success, no superhero, neither rich nor poor. I am, however a good father and a happy person. that'll do pig. that'll do.

   Breakfast was going well until that creepy new Tiger Woods commercial with his late father's voice came on... now I'm just playing with my oatmeal.

   I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

   THE MOST CONFUSING DAY IN THE GHETTO IS FATHER'S DAY....

   ┌∩┐(◣..◢)┌∩┐ father time.....for running fast when I want you to run slow(fri sat sun) and running slow when I need you to run fast(mon-fri 7am-3 pm) I lost track of 10 hours today.

   My father told me "never hit a man while he's down, kick him! It's a whole lot easier!"

   My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist.They kept fighting tooth and nail.