Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1637 of 6452

I would have thought that Tiger would have waited until later in the back nine to pretend he was hurt, but golf is unpredictable sometimes.
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04-12-2015 16:44
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putting someones genitals in your mouth is OK, but eating a Dorito off the floor after 2 seconds is gross
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04-12-2015 16:06
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If you don't post a picture of your food, does it still get eaten?
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04-12-2015 15:31 by That guy
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Throw caution to the wind. Throw indecision to a tornado. Throw anxiety to a cyclone. Basically, If it's windy make real bad decisions.

I don't have any room in my heart for you, but I do have space for you in my trunk.
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04-12-2015 14:07 by Psycho
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whatever it is you’re going through, however bad or sad. just know everything is about to be okay because game of thrones is back tonight.
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04-12-2015 13:57
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If your boyfriend isn't strong enough to pick you up and pin you up against the wall, you have a girlfriend

I can keep a secret like nobody's business.
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04-12-2015 07:37 by Nipper
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People have 2 modes on facebook: pity prowling or overly offended by nothing
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04-12-2015 05:28
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thinks all.strippers must have the same nick name: Daddy Issues
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04-12-2015 05:26
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That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn't get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn't brushed her teeth in forever.
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04-11-2015 22:20 by huck
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You think you love your family but suddenly there's three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.

I love my kid but I'm still going to eat his fries when he goes to the bathroom then lie to his face about it.

PRO TIP: Make tomorrow's colonoscopy special by eating all of this glitter!
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04-11-2015 16:04 by snotty
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Taco Bell is going to start delivering. Thank you for making everyone a little more lazy.
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04-11-2015 15:44 by Anthony
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If I am suffering and hurting and you tell me "its all god's plan" I will kick your ass and tell you it's also god's plan.
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04-11-2015 13:39
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Sleeping much better now that the Burger King mascot is off the air.
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04-11-2015 09:10
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So thankful my childhood was filled with imagination and bruises from playing outside. Instead of apps and how many likes you can get on a selfie.
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04-10-2015 22:47 by BEGO
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and, liking - you liked your own status by yourself- your own status is like high fiving yourself in public.
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04-10-2015 21:58
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I wonder if they make a Gas-X for brain farts.
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04-10-2015 19:52
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