Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1614 of 6384
And as I opened the box it dawned on me. It wasn't the hamburger that needed help, it was me...
←Rate |
02-18-2015 13:11
Comments (0)
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he's called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
My salt shaker has been clogged for two years, so don't come to me with your issues.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 12:46
Comments (0)
“Check under the hood, dumbass.” – The Clitoris
←Rate |
02-18-2015 12:36
Comments (0)
They only way I'd watch 50 Shades of Grey is if the guy tied up the garbage bag and dominated the dishes.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 11:48
Comments (0)
WELL WELL WELL, if it isn't the family whose house I've broken into
←Rate |
02-18-2015 11:47
Comments (0)
Imagine me naked. Wrong. Fatter.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 11:45
Comments (0)
So where do I go to trade my husband in for 6 cats?
←Rate |
02-18-2015 11:23
Comments (0)
I don't get how people get eaten by sharks....I mean how do they not hear the music?
←Rate |
02-18-2015 10:37
Comments (0)
Now showing exclusively in San Francisco, Santa Monica, Chelsea and Key West. 50 shades of g ay.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 09:36
Comments (0)
When picking up hookers, you never know what you will get. All you can do is hope for the breast and prepare for the wurst.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 08:55
Comments (0)
Its so cold outside I might even post about it on Facebook
←Rate |
02-18-2015 08:54
Comments (0)
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 08:53
Comments (0)
If the internet was a game show, we'd all be in Japan and have jumper cables clipped to our nuts
←Rate |
02-18-2015 08:51
Comments (0)
Aparently people don't like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 08:50
Comments (0)
FUN FACT: People who use the phrase "winner winner chicken dinner" got their education at the University of Pheonix
←Rate |
02-18-2015 08:43
Comments (1)
The first rule of "Stupid Status Club" is start your status off with "The first rule of"
←Rate |
02-18-2015 08:42
Comments (0)
The black really brings out your eyes- Ray Rice pick up line...
←Rate |
02-18-2015 07:51 by SEAN
Comments (0)
There's a person out there for everyone, but for some women that person is 6 cats....
←Rate |
02-18-2015 07:49 by SEAN
Comments (0)
When I was growing up mom would wake up early to cut my crust off my sandwhich before I went to school, crust was my favorite part- she really hated me....
←Rate |
02-18-2015 07:45 by SEAN
Comments (0)