life Funny Status Messages

   If you unfriend me or block me on Facebook, that means you would probably just turn your nose up in real life...you're actually doing me a favor!!

   If you ever see me in person, don't poke me. In real life I loathe when folks do that. Unless you give me the numbers and expiration date first on your card and you show me 2 ID's.

   made an observation at the drug store today. There's an aisle that pretty much sums up the phases of life in products. Diapers, condoms, and adult diapers. From peeing in your pants, to lots of sex, then, back to peeing in your pants.

   If I've learned one thing in life it's: No matter what the problem is, alcohol is always the answer.

   No Facebook, I don't want to have you as my home page. I actually have a life -_-

   They say that life's a dream… well call this insomnia

   21 Minutes of battery life left. "That's enough time for me to finish what I am doing" 6 Minutes Later: Laptop Shuts Down "You piece of sh*t! You lied to me!"

   The best things in life aren't free, they're 16 bucks a case and either 60 bucks at the cat house or the cost of room and board at home.

   Life and Wife are two words that rhyme, but if you have one, you can't have the other!

   My life's motto: "Live every week as if its shark week"

   Saw this guy drowning so I threw him a life saver. His last words were, "what is this.. candy?"

   I find humor in everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at

   In life, never look down on anybody, unless you are getting a lovely view of the cleavage!!!

   I have this recurring dream where I'm locked up in a room with all the people I've ever offended in my entire life and they are all glaring at me and I think, Great! I get to make fun of all you losers at once.

   August 2: the date when the federal government is forecast to hit the debt limit and see all new loans cut off. Falls during "Simplify Your Life Week." Really?

   Ok my Guardian Angel, if you're out there, and if you're listening.. Please listen to this one: "I want to keep her, for life"

   Life and Wife are two similar words ..... but if you have one, you can't have the other!!!

   You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life

   Concentration. Precision. Fearlessness. Patience. Four skills all men possess while shaving that I wish we could apply to other aspects of our life, always.

   The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve..