Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Its trash pick up day tomorrow and my dumb neighbor forgot to take out my mother-n-law!!!! Now i've gotta dump trash all over his yard again!

   Whenever my children question my knowledge on any subject, I just remind them that their mother is older than the Internet.

   Dating a single mother.... It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

   The wind just blew a plactic bag away from me at this table and down the sidewalk. "That one's on you, Mother Earth."

   Looks like Mother Nature is pulling Winter's Band-Aid off one hair at a time!

   Relationship status ☐ Seeing someone ☐ Not seeing anyone ☐ Your mother is a wh*re ☑ SHUT THE F&CK UP, I'M WATCHING THE BATMAN TRILOGY!

   If you always generalize about women, you're ugly, poor, insecure, or you might have grown up in your mother's basement. At the worst-case scenario, you've got a crap partner.

   If you're for gay marriage then you are also for hurting children. Kids need a mother and a father:not two dads or two moms. There is no arguing this fact.

   Just read a story in a magazine that a woman is claiming she was raped by an alien.. Big Deal!.. So was Lady Gaga's mother

   Dear Axe Bodyspray, Please create a new bottle that allows only one spary every 24 hours. Thank you for your consideration. Signed, Mother of a ten year old boy

   My mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.

   I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there's an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.

   In Mother Russia, we don't shoot for the stars, the stars shoot for us

   You fell sad because you didn't have a Valentine on Valentine's Day? Some people don't have a mom on Mother's Day or a dad on Father's Day so shut up.

   Every call from my mother is a judgment call.

   The worst part about watching porn on your smart phone is getting interrupted by texts from your mother...

   My mother told me: "alcohol is your worst enemy." Jesus said: "love your enemy." Case closed.

   Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam’s mother cooked.

   I would of had a better comeback but I left the come back in your mother

   Roses are red violets are blue, porn hub is down. So your mother's Facebook will do