life Funny Status Messages

   I'm going to admit myself into the Hokey-Pokey Institute and turn my life around.

   If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship... Get ya life in order before you try to share it with someone else.

   "Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."

   the only reason why your girlfriend likes your d!ck is because her mom told her to enjoy the little things in life.

   I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.

   My life's an open Facebook

   If you even suspect someone has been stung by a jellyfish -don't ask- just pee on them. You might save a life.

   HOSTESS has filled for Bankruptcy Protection !!! What is this world coming too? The Good News is the Twinkies will Outlast us all. I think the shelf life is um, Forever.

   I don't care if you think I'm crazy. Life is too short to be normal!

   Naps are for old people. I was taking a horizontal life pause. :)

   found out yesterday that Wii Bowling skills don't translate well into real life. Hopefully boxing will go better tonight.

   The best things in life are not things...they're acts. Whether it be acts of kindness, comedy acts, or sex acts.

   wouldnt life be prefect if sweatpants were sexy, mondays were fun, junk food didnt make you fat, girls didnt cause so much drama, guys werent so confusing, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow

   No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.

   One time on Long Island I saw an all-Guido adaptation of 'Life is Beautiful' called 'Life is Freakin' Mint, Yo.'

   Congratulations to Jay-z and Beyonce on the birth of their baby. She won't have to work a day in her life, they should call her Lay-Z

   I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you've ever done in your life

   I've decided the best way to proceed in life from here on out is by walking around rubbing my n!pples and talking in the Fat B@st@rd voice.

   Christian music: 2% thought provoking lyrics about god and life. 98% bad metaphors about god, that seem oddly sexual.

   Life is long and rough, S*ck my life!