life Funny Status Messages

   You only think I'm engaged in ur pathetic life story, om really wondering if monkey nipp!es get hard when theyre cold

   a p°nis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an a55hole, his bestfriend is a pu55y and his owner beats him!

   ..We can learn a lot in life from our crayons we had as kids; some are dull, some are bright, and they are all different colors, but they have to learn to live in the same box..(",)

   nursing his a55 from the pain left by all those bites from life!

   Taking "naps" sounds so childish... I prefer to call them 'horizontal life pauses'

   best friend....someone who walks in with a flashlight when life is the darkest....

   If you aren't happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship. Get your own life first, then share it.

   I just started using the new Timeline on Facebook. Maybe I can trace my life back to when I actually gave a sh!t.

   To some people iPhones are like a religion. They don't know how it works, but it gives them something to cling to, so their life has meaning.

   Life is short, we only get to live it once, so live and love and give it all you got!!

   If you must have religion in your life, choose the best religion: Kindness.

   I feel sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotized 7 guys then dropped the mic on his left foot and yelled, "F*ck me." What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life.

   Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in real life

   "I'm a Barbie Girl, In the Barbie world!! Life in plasic, Its fantastic".....admit it you read this with an annoying womens voice

   you know....everything I needed to know about life, I learned in kindergarten....if you poop your pants....they let you go home....

   No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.

   I lost a friend overnight, It was very sudden. There must be a reason, but I can't for the life of me think what it might be. Now they're gone. Yesterday I had 583 friends, now only 582 I hope everyone reads this far before they say "sorry for your loss"

   6.9 billion people, 6.9 billion different opinions about life, the world, and God.

   Part of me thought I wouldn't be using a sock as an oven mitt at this point in my life. Another part is like "Big boy is using the stove!"

   Lost my Droid for an hour. The day I lost my daughter at the zoo is now the second most terrifying experience of my life