Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1086 of 6384
Hillary Clinton isn't really sick, lizard people don't get sick....
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09-14-2016 05:30
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Dance like no one is secretly going to put that mess on Periscope.
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09-14-2016 05:29
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Probably the one thing I enjoy about dating homeless women so much is they really don't seem to care where I drop em off at.
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09-14-2016 05:28
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Debate Format Change: The first Presidential debate will just be a comprehensive physical exam followed a colonoscopy.
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09-14-2016 05:27
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The only person excited to find out about Hillary's Body Double is Bill Clinton.
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09-14-2016 05:26
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The biggest problem with getting my picture taken is anytime someone says "Cheese!" My immediate response is "Where!!"
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09-14-2016 05:25
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I just checked my account balance at the ATM, it printed me out a coupon for ramen noodles.
Rapunzel! Rapunzel!,, Let down your CVS receipt!........ *A modern fairy tale
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09-13-2016 18:06 by Snotty
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Hillary didn't faint, her knees didn't buckle... She slipped on all of her bull$hit....
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09-13-2016 08:17
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The cool thing about democracy is that some people believe wrestling is real and they get to vote in the same elections as you do.
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09-13-2016 04:45
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My white Camaro is fully loaded with a Whitesnake car alarm and denim interior.
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09-13-2016 04:44
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Shout out to my neighbors for the 2 AM gun shots; I hope you enjoyed my 7 AM weed whacking.
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09-13-2016 04:42
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Are You: A) A complete partier. B) A vampire. C) A regular insomniac, or D) Some combination of the above?
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09-13-2016 04:39
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I can't wait for October, when sock selfies supplant feet selfies.
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09-13-2016 04:37
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Dear friend, Regrets I can't go to your wedding. Shagging a Naval Officer. It will last longer than your marriage. Godspeed.
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09-13-2016 04:29
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I wasn't planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung Galaxy phones.
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09-13-2016 04:26
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When my dog twitches his front paws in his sleep, I like to think he's dreaming of playing the bongos.
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09-13-2016 04:22
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Nothing tests the love for your children like being awoken at 2 AM with a Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat kick to the sternum.
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09-13-2016 04:21
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I've reached the level of unfitness where I have to stretch before playing video games.
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09-13-2016 04:20
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Chocolate Hazelnut is my favorite flavor of coffee creamer and also my rap name.....
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09-13-2016 04:18
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