Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   can't remember the last time I LOL'ed let alone ROTF.

   Bored? Update your Facebook to "in a relationship" with someone you've never met just to see if they'll confirm.

   fc%ed up like a screen door on a submarine..

   can't be bothered going to his Apathy Support Group today...

   doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he has the Dos Equis Guy serve it to him in a dress

   I'm one of those people that tried this at home.

   "Deck the halls with Happy Birthday Faa La La La'up on the roof top is Peter Cotton tail in a one horse open sleigh"..........man, that's a good margarita.....

   (630): The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....

   Coarse and violent nudity. Occasional language.

   APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key.

   Sometimes I think that if there were a third sex, men wouldn't get so much as a glance from me.

   bored with Sunday. You should go away and ask your friend Saturday to come back.

   There are three major types of colour blindness. They are red-green, blue-yellow and tan-orange. Unfortunately, tan-orange is the most common.

   I got chased by someone jogging this morning, all because I yelled “Run Forrest Run!”

   life is better when you decide you dont care

   doesn't feel sorry for those that aren't empathic.

   no idea what I am doing...................................but when I do it I drink Dos Equis!

   elegantly wasted.

   STARVING!!!! I'm so damn hungry that the Food Channel would look like Porn!!!!

   In reality I'm at work. In my mind I'm in a hammock with Mary Ann and Ginger.