Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   hates having to delete facebook "friends" that I like, even though they don't give a crap about me. I wish there was a facebook jail to put them in for 30 days.

   I don't intoxicated and delusional. I get drunk and confident.

   they say a way to a mans heart is through his stomach, but with this knife I know a shortcut through the chest which ain't far from it.

   Don't be sad, if you think you're not important to someone....or something, Just Google yourself.

   You always feel a sense of accomplishment when you finally get that food stuck between your teeth with your tongue....So get ready for Thanksgiving.

   looking forward to the next Kanye apology for being an idiot!

   wht is the different between your dog and your wife??? well you still miss your dog after one year..!

   thinks maybe Kanye should take his toys and go play with Joy Bahar. I'm sure she needs the ratings.

   would like to thank Matt Lauer for preventing any future Kanye West appearances!

   wondering what makes it "so s o g double o d good"

   wonders..... are Kanye West's 15 minutes are up yet?

   anyone heard anything about Cam Newton? It's been kinda quiet the past 3 minutes

   Just sent his buddies to The Blue Oyster to pick up chicks. LOL...are they in for a surprise!

   Huh, it turns out those WERE droids we were looking for! Son of a b@&*h!

   thanks to Mucinex, I always think of my boogers as being dressed like Archie Bunker and lounging in my nose...

   Bought a horse that lost its last race on purpose. So, I'm calling it Quits.

   Dont tell me the sky is the limit when there are damn footprints on the moon.

   Cam Newton is being investigated on animal cruelty charges because apparently video evidence shows him applying beatings to bulldogs, hogs, tigers, chickens, bears, wildcats & wolves. He's stated his intention to beat elephants, ducks & dawgs soon...

   I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world. ~ Georges Duhamel (1884 - 1966)

   Drunk Midgets....i'm pretty sure this is what people come to the internet for.