Funny Status Messages and Tweets

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   I was watching some trailers at my local cinema when to my surprise a movie came on.

   - Video Games don't make children violent. Lag does.

   Dont use that tone of text with me!

   I have found that 99% of the time, the book is better than the movie. The 1% that is not, is porn.

   I've gotta have more people in my life that love my elbows.. .

   I just lost my self respect at the Golden Corral.

   NFL= National Flag League

   as the great philospher Jagger said...."you can't always get what you want.."

   I had a McRib today. My toilet just waved a white flag.

   Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I am a dinosaur.

   Men suck... Sent from Kitchen

   I donate .05 cents a day to a local charity. That way whenever someone tells me how great there day was I can say "Yeah, well I donated to charity"

   Grandma complained no one ever calls so I put a "How's My Driving?" bumper sticker on her car. The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.

   Dear God.. If that cat puke on the floor disapears in the next 5 minutes, then I will except Jesus as my savior. Amen

   I'm watching extreme makeover: home edition in an attempt to invoke an emotion response from my cold and numb soul.

   You want to know what chloroform smells like?

   thinking of misbehaving with you tonight, wanna come?

   It rained today. I know this because I checked a few of the local outdoor web cams

   The best line which helps in saving money when going on dinner with ur wife : bol kya khayegi.... MOTI