Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Halloween isn't really that different than any other day... everyone's still pretending to be someone or something their not.

   10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you've got them.

   Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

   There are no winners in life... only survivors.

   decided to go on a long holiday to couldntgiveafuckistan!!!!!!!!!!

   Making use of that ''YOU AND so an so'' button. I think It's fun commenting on a status my friend updated last year. That's a good one facebook.

   Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat. The government hates competition!

   : It's Halloween. Let's see how many women in costumes I mistake for prostitutes...

   wants a dirty picture of you so I can add it to my Xmas wishlist to send to Santa

   If I have to pass a drug test to work my ass off, you should have to pass one to get welfare!!!

   If your feeling like Charlie Sheen, go and brush your shoulders off

   Charlie Sheen stole Brett Favre's cell phone.

   My grandpa used to say "The best cure for a broken heart is a piping hot bowl of mom's homemade chicken soup. And a hooker."

   Creaming my candy corn this year so if you stop by to trick or treat, bring a bowl.

   My girlfriend got f**ked by a clown before we dated. So I have some pretty big shoes to fill.

   I wonder if Halloween is like a night off for prostitutes, since so many women are dressed like that, who can tell who's the real deal?

   happy Diwali ...the festival of lights (India)

   i said to me little sister spell MacDonald and I will take you there she replied ok lets go to KFC

   Went out tonight, saw many women with hot costumes including Sexy Snow White, Naughty Nurse, Hot Cop, Horny Devil, French Maid, etc....but not one Will Leave You Alone During The Football Game and Give You a BJ during Halftime. The search continues...

   going to be the one stuck handing out candy again which is a horrible idea.. Me and people never ends up going well.