Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 893 of 6446

   messageicon When dressing up for Halloween, disguise the limit.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 15:42 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I bet if he could do that, he wouldn't be telling me to stop."... thought the Dog.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 15:43 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe Google is c0cky enough to start guessing after one letter.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 15:47 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 15:50 by Heather25 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Do me a favor..run your face into my fist really hard..
←Rate | 10-26-2010 15:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon real eyes realize real lies
←Rate | 10-26-2010 16:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember my first status...
←Rate | 10-26-2010 16:27 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Why does the day after payday feel just like the day before payday???
←Rate | 10-26-2010 16:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worrying Is like a rocking chair, sure it gives you something to do but in the end, it gets you nowhere.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 16:56 by TOM Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The mistakes of the past don't define you... they refine you."
←Rate | 10-26-2010 17:07 by @chaseswills Comments (0)  


   messageicon met this girl at the pub and she told me her ‘sex was on fire'. She lied. But ironically, now it burns when I piss.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 17:08 by A is for ME Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw that Harry Potter movie. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid with 2 friends?
←Rate | 10-26-2010 17:08 by A is for ME Comments (3)  


   messageicon My girlfriend has a weird fetish, she likes to dress up like herself and act like a b!tch every night.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 17:11 by A is for ME Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders “Why its called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky???”
←Rate | 10-26-2010 17:12 by ANGELA Comments (2)  


   messageicon How do I explain to a coworker, that she is not a size 6…that EVERY pair of pants she wears she has a Camel Toe…and EVERYONE has noticed!
←Rate | 10-26-2010 17:14 by A is for ME Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guess facebook is my woman because I wake up and say good morning and whats on my mind
←Rate | 10-26-2010 17:37 by @duranfly Comments (0)  


   messageicon At my last job, I mixed concrete with a pitchfork.. Under job title on this application should I put ,,Mortar forker?
←Rate | 10-26-2010 18:00 Comments (1)  


   messageicon ever have one of those days when you wish you had the Cone of Silence so you could scream your lungs out without anyone hearing you after debating with a friend who is stuck on stupid?
←Rate | 10-26-2010 18:18 by Nebulith Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Me, You are the sexiest thing to walk this Earth! Love, Me
←Rate | 10-26-2010 18:51 by mmchet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Religion is a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 19:21 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left