Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 892 of 6446

A handful of Nigerian scam artists are wrecking it for all the honest Nigerians who want to wire money to us.
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10-26-2010 11:04 by jdpower
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I don't get mad, don't throw temper tantrums and I don't hold grudges..I am a very mature girl....but YOU are not allowed in my treehouse anymore!!!
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10-26-2010 11:28 by Charlie
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Only 9,000 more lies until Election Day.
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10-26-2010 11:28 by jdpower
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...little boy writes to Santa: please send me a sister. Santa writes to little boy: ok, send me your mother.

HOW DOES A PERSON WITH EPILEPSY INTERPRET "CARPE DIEM"?
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10-26-2010 12:09 by Jayson
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My boss questioned my enthusiasm today. I can't believe he woke me up just to tell me that.

The Touch, the Feel of Lindsay Lohan; the crackhead of our lives
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10-26-2010 13:07
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Count to ten before the lightning strikes, if days are dark find something that's bright. Different colors paint a picture of our lives, just close your eyes!
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10-26-2010 13:13
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Give a person an inch, they take a round trip flight across the country AND bill you for it.

love can conquer anything, no matter how bad it gets it can always be forgiven by agreeing to put it behind you and getting on with being happy together.
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10-26-2010 13:55
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Why does my phone insist on reminding me my battery is dying, wasting even more of my battery!

thinking i'm going to hand out pretzels and bruised apples for Halloween this year

The temptations of Facebook are like a boomerang. You throw it as far as you can, but it comes right back to you.
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10-26-2010 14:19 by Reeking
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I can charm any mother....it's getting the daughter that is the tricky part....

thinking about Autotuning our building's tornado warning announcement lady
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10-26-2010 14:44
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If you can afford alcohol and cigarettes then you don't need food-stamps

Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by children.
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10-26-2010 15:21
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Please talk to my face, my breasts can't hear you.
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10-26-2010 15:37
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Everytime I see a matttress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls..
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10-26-2010 15:40
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It's all fun and games til they open up the trunk...
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10-26-2010 15:41
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