Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   SEX is not the answer!! Sex IS the question... 'Yes' is the answer! :)

   I was so depressed last night and called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck….

   I like my ice at room temperature.

   Some people were born just to take up space like the first slice of bread in a loaf.

   ‎- The term Friend is put about far too easy .... A friend to me is more about action then words !!!

   have you ever noticed that there are some people that don't need to be on facebook. They either inadvertenly cause drama, or they are prone to the late night drunken facebook status updates

   ...Dear Katy Perry: there were girls around with nice boobs before you were born. there will be girls around with nice boobs after you die. get over yourself, please.

   Perseverance is not a passive submission to circumstances , it's not passive endurance -it's a strong and actve response to difficult events of life...it's the quality on standing on your feet as you face the storms..it's not simply the attitude on facing

   An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.

   God created man before woman... but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

   Just Got Dumped Because Her Boyfirend Said He Couldnt Put Up With Her Filthy Habbits, I nearly choked on my toe nail

   Just imagine if we all actually became what we said we wanted to be when we grew up... The World would be full of Ninjas, Princess, Mermaids and Dragon Slayers....

   congratulates singer Celine Dion and her grandfather on the birth of their twin boys.

   If you're gonna flip out on your Facebook, don't delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.

   I'm the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I'm asleep.

   Q: What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair? A: Artifical Intelligence

   man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under hes arm, hes says a pint for me and one for the road,,,

   How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murder for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.

   with or without you, I'm still going...

   I really need to find a girlfriend. Guy at poker table was like “This is my girlfriend, Kayla,” and I was like, “This is my sandwich, Ham.”