Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's funny how people that seems to know everything are always the unhappiest.

   You're not ugly, your simply hard to look at...that's ALL!!

   I command you to read my status.......Thanks!

   Mmmm, plumpkins..

   I wouldn't say you're stupid. You are, but I wouldn't say it.

   I'm sorry, I can't be mean to you. It's be kind to animals week.

   People like YOU, are the reason why people like ME, need MEDICATION

   i dont know why but you must confuse me with someone who cares...

   People need to realize that they cant control wether or not their partner cheats on them.

   I am rotating the tire on my unicycle!

   If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

   The worst feeling isn't being lonely. It's being forgotten by someone you'd never forget.

   Dear 3rd stall over, flushing the toilet does not disguise explosive diarrhea. Thought you should know.

   thinks Facebook needs to add "imaginary" and "in denial" to the choices for relationship status...smh

   Party like you will never be invited to another!

   The voices in my head have switched to sign language just to mess with me.

   thinks that the mother and father bear from Goldilocks and the 3 bears had some relationship issues as evident from the fact that they had separate beds!

   Forecast tonight: Dark

   An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.

   Oh Crap!! It's been over 4 hours. Someone call a doctor!!