Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like it wherever I can get it, just saying lady's.........

   Pedro, just listen to your heart. That's what I do." -Napoleon Dynamite

   still gets Rick Roll'd on youtube every once in awhile."

   I wish I had had Dora's parents . They let her little A$$ go anywhere

   This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being

   Ugly girls....stop taking pics and posting it like you're cute.

   they say the camera adds 10 pounds. well it looks like you just ate five cameras.

   's is big. (Or maybe she said that to make me feel good.)

   Me - "Hey Whats up!" Her - "Nothing I feel sick" Me - "awe, why?" Her - "Im on my period..." (walk away slowly and dont say another word)

   well...I can't afford a breast lift. Suppose I could pierce my nipples and wear a magnet around my neck!!

   if dill was a cookie flavor, would the batter be called "dill dough"?

   Almost casted for "The Biggest Loser", when I found out it wasn't the lose weight show, totally got pissed..

   Life lesson # 243- Never try to cut the hair of a 16 month old child without anesthesia.

   Never Explain -- your Friends do not need it and your Enemies will not believe you anyway

   Oh how winky faces make anything sound dirty (;

   When I was younger, after getting a haircut or visiting the doctor I would receive a lollipop. My tastes have not changed since then. Give me a damn lollipop.

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her

   Instead of telling everybody what color is your damn bra, put 2 bucks in the freaking can at the shopping center if you really want to help people with breast cancer, for Christ's sake!! Stop talking on facebook and give money!

   I'm a whole new breed of special.

   3 roomates and the end of the toilet paper ALWAYS end on me.. WTF!!!!!