life Funny Status Messages

   Life is long and rough, S*ck my life!

   Christian music: 2% thought provoking lyrics about god and life. 98% bad metaphors about god, that seem oddly sexual.

   I've decided the best way to proceed in life from here on out is by walking around rubbing my n!pples and talking in the Fat B@st@rd voice.

   I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you've ever done in your life

   Congratulations to Jay-z and Beyonce on the birth of their baby. She won't have to work a day in her life, they should call her Lay-Z

   One time on Long Island I saw an all-Guido adaptation of 'Life is Beautiful' called 'Life is Freakin' Mint, Yo.'

   No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.

   wouldnt life be prefect if sweatpants were sexy, mondays were fun, junk food didnt make you fat, girls didnt cause so much drama, guys werent so confusing, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow

   The best things in life are not things...they're acts. Whether it be acts of kindness, comedy acts, or sex acts.

   found out yesterday that Wii Bowling skills don't translate well into real life. Hopefully boxing will go better tonight.

   Naps are for old people. I was taking a horizontal life pause. :)

   I don't care if you think I'm crazy. Life is too short to be normal!

   HOSTESS has filled for Bankruptcy Protection !!! What is this world coming too? The Good News is the Twinkies will Outlast us all. I think the shelf life is um, Forever.

   If you even suspect someone has been stung by a jellyfish -don't ask- just pee on them. You might save a life.

   My life's an open Facebook

   I like jury duty because it's a fun reminder that one day my life could be in the hands of a guy wearing Velcro shoes.

   the only reason why your girlfriend likes your d!ck is because her mom told her to enjoy the little things in life.

   "Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."

   If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship... Get ya life in order before you try to share it with someone else.

   I'm going to admit myself into the Hokey-Pokey Institute and turn my life around.