Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Labor Day was canceled because too many people couldn't remember what it was like to have a job :)

   I would like to wish a happy Labor Day to all the mother out there.

   Did you ever actually think about what you did, while sitting in the corner as a kid? I was planning my revenge for the punishment!

   thinking they need to rename 'Dancing with the Stars' to 'Dancing with the National Enquirer.'

   wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac

   wonders what the guy who found out what milk was, was doing to the cow.

   Should I pick you up for breakfast? or just roll over and kiss you good morning?

   OMG, you just lied and your pants really are on fire.

   Hey!!! It's a "pedestrian crosswalk" you douche, not a "leap in front of my car like a freaking maniac walk!"

   The best don't-drink-and-drive message ever would be if the Budweiser blimp crashed into the Goodyear blimp during a game.

   A watched pot never boils. But an unwatched pot boils dry and burns. Is there a happy medium?

   I just got in a car accident while reading a sign telling me to keep my eyes on the road.

   I Don't Care what anybody says, Nothing says I Love you more like standing in line for you're girl to buy tampax pearl."

   We celebrate Labor Day by not working. Which is kind of like celebrating Arbor Day by paving the backyard.

   relationship status will changed from "married" to " It's complicated " about once a month.. I love my wife....

   This fish smells familiar. I just can't put my finger on it.

   Dear Monday, nothing against you but I'm glad you almost over. Please ease traffic for me. Sincerely, THE TAILGATER.

   i spend so much time on FB I might get married to someone on my friend list and host a FB wedding lol and Invite all my friend to the Fan Page lmao

   Mirror.. Mirror.. on the wall, out of all my Facebook friends who is the fairest of them all?

   The jungle is only fun when you are on top of the food chain