life Funny Status Messages

   Life's not a b!tch, life's a beautiful woman. You just call her a b!tch cause she wont let you get what you want,

   It's one of life's cruel tricks that by the time you're old enough to afford a flashy sports car, you look ridiculous driving it.

   never on schedule because I don't live my life by the times others sets.

   Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.

   Dear life, whats the fricking recipe for lemonade?

   Think about this. Somebody in the world right now couldn't imagine life without you. That alone should give you the strength to smile.

   Laughing for 15 seconds adds 2 days to your life span. Therefore, I am immortal.

   Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or you're taking sh!t from some @sshole!

   Life would be more bearable if our problems only lasted as long as Kim Kardashian's marriage.

   No, my status is not about you. I have other important things in my life.

   Define birthday :-the only day in your life.....when your mother smiled when you cried.

   There are four stages of life; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.

   When my life flashes before my eyes, I hope it's not the special extended edition with all the deleted scenes I've blocked from my memory.

   I am thankful for Facebook for it has made my life as a stalker a whole lot easier. Gone are the days of standing in the dark, in the rain behind some bushes and providing free meal for mosquitoes no to mention restrain orders.

   thinks that without Analytical Geometry, life is pointless.

   If you can not see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

   Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

   Life isn't worth living for, unless you have something worth dying for.

   Life is all about ass, everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one :)

   It'd be interesting to see statistics of your life after you die. Like, what joke you found the funniest, how many times you smiled, how many times you laughed, how many times you lied, or how many people you loved.