life Funny Status Messages

   That demoralising moment when you're starting a new chapter of your life only to realize that's it's exactly the same as the last chapter.

   If I had known I would run into this many a-holes in my life, I would have capitalized on it and specialized in proctology!

   Life can never give security, it can only promise opportunity. So seize that sh*t like a drug raid at Charlie Sheen's house.

   (on facebook) Friend 1: ugh, I feel so crap I hate my life. Friend 2: aww babe whats wrong??. Friend 1: inbox? Friend 2: yeah okay. Rest of us: well f*ck you then.

   Before looking for intelligent life on planets found in other solar systems, maybe we should look for it on our own planet..

   #fatgirlstrippernames: Dolores Umbridge... and now your life is scarred forever with that mental image.

   If my absence doesn't alter your life, then my presence has no meaning in it.

   I love it when I drop my iPod and my headphones save it's life!

   Man get of the couch and do something with your life. Christ even eggs get laid!

   No Matter what you do in life, always give 100%. Unless of course you are donating blood.

   it looks like the word "horseplay" has taken on a whole new meaning and has been essentialy ruined for life...thanks Sandscumsky

   The first 10 years of a girl's life is spent playing with barbies & the next 10 years are spent trying to look like one

   When I am sad, I think of you- I then realize that my life is still better then yours.

   Now I know why people are looking for intelligent life on other planets! They've given up on this one!!

   It is important to be thankful for little things in life. Like the fact that the world doesn't make a strange creaking noise when it rotates on its axis.

   Dreams are just fanfictions of your life written by your brain.

   No matter what you do in life, Dont EVER! let the Kirby Vacuum Salesman into your house!!!

   Get rid of people that withdraw from your life and never deposit!

   No matter what mistakes I make in my life at least I won't be as pathetic as the guy who got eaten by a t-rex on the toilet in Jurassic Park

   When people say they "live their life" it usually just means "party hard." It doesn't mean "learn a lot about stuff that interests you", "volunteer to help people less fortunate than you", or "enjoy the benefits of a good night of sleep."