Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   might go to the hardware shop tomorrow and tell one of the assistants I need a really long screw...

   what sort of bees produce milk?.......B(o)(o)BIES !!

   would like very much to learn the swear words of every language......fun!

   Darthvader should of been made to pay back dated child support for Luke!

   "Apparently the University of Kentucky basketball dynasty is to continue forever." - Philadelphia Inquirer, December 23 1954.

   "When you see Kentucky's fans, you just wonder. You think how wonderful it would be to go to their school. You wish you could trade places for a day, just so you could experience that feeling." - UCLA player Kris Johnson

   knows what you did last summer...

   ok... it's been well over 4 hours and this thing aint gone down... do I keep going or call my doctor??

   Mother Earth will soon die. We still have the universe. :D

   The Guinness in the refrigerator is calling my name with a drunken slur.

   I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

   Hoping my dead grandma isn't watching EVERYTHING I do.....She would be pretty dissapointed in me!!

   I heard there was a perfect woman at every corner of the world....Unfortunately, the world is ROUND!!!!

   sad that my FB has become my BFF.....

   you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you should never, under any circumstances, pick your friend's nose.

   If myspace and Twitter were suddenly gone, would anyone really care?

   smoking probable cause :D

   Tried to order at McDonald's today, couldn't understand her. So I started poking her forehead with my finger, I was trying to push 1 for English.

   Last night I had an epifanny....I realized I couldn't spell.

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