Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Scientist have discovered an area on Mars that might have once contained life. Alien scientist have made the same discovery about the Gulf of Mexico.

   I keep losing at solitary Hangman - must be the sadist in me

   If I sat down for 10 seconds with a pad and pen, I could totally write a song for Yo Gabba Gabba!

   a true smarta$$ and can be quite b*tchy at times too - but it's my natural defense against stupidity!

   *spins around on chair* Hi! I've been expecting you!

   To all my Facebook Friends.....If you are over 20 years old and know the name to a Justin Bieber OR a Lady Gaga song, PLEASE Delete me as a friend....I don't think I wanna be friends with you!!!

   we KNOW you like your status....why would you of written it if you didn't?

   if you can keep your head when all around you are losing thiers...you probably haven't realised what's going on...

   my company is upgrading from Outlook 2003 to Outlook 2007, in 2010, which I fear will rip a hole in the space-time continuum.

   I do like Sally Jessy Raphael but she REALLY does look like a Jim Henson puppet!

   ok...who watches Jeremy Kyle to make themselves feel better about thier own screwed up life?

   I'm not opposed to gay marriage.... I saw two women kissing in public the other day and I thought “man, that takes balls!”

   They found the gene that causes shyness. They would have found it sooner, but it was hiding behind some other genes.

   A good way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.

   business must be getting better. I noticed on my last check the government gave itself a raise.

   Washing my face, eyes are closed and the cat rubs against my legs. First thought: "SHARK!!!" Second thought: "No more Discovery Channel before bed!"

   Have you ever wondered if the one dollar bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack? If not, you're wondering now. Have a nice day ..

   On the Electrician's Truck... "Let Us Remove Your Shorts"

   thinks there should be a Shart Week!

   I wish Brett Favre would stop texting me photos of himself. The guy is getting out of control.