Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   outside the bathroom you're an American. Inside the bathroom...European.

   wishes Lebron went to The Mets.

   A "Sarah Palindrome" is a sentence that reads forwards, but sounds backwards.

   wishes they all could be California girls.

   named his dog Egypt cause he leave pyramids all around the house.

   Feminists. If you hate men so much, why are you always trying to be like us?

   off to Mamby Pamby land for some self-confidence...

   You know you spend too much time on facebook when you start refering to people by their first, maiden, and last name!

   's misery likes tequila, not company.

   If ESPN had a cake show, they could call it "Laying Down a Bundt."

   My apartment is where weird foreigners go to have a loud conversation right outside of...

   Yes, I'm coming to your party. Please introduce me to everyone before I get there, I don't want to have to explain my whole "deal."

   Money....Here Today, Gone Today!!

   The A/C in my office isn't working and has now officially become an employee.

   The future is that time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.

   Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.

   I took this personality test on the internet, and it said... "Describe yourself in one word." I answered, "Not good at following instructions."

   remember the police are sort of like dogs, they usually don't chase you unless you run.

   I finally figured out what the red and blue lights mean on an RCMP cruiser, so they know which side to get in on

   Error: Facebook status removed due to awesomeness overload