Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5365 of 6446

How much of your pants are you allowed to fold up before you're mistaken for a fisherman?
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11-14-2016 00:38 by Baddie
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"Please stop being mean" - Me 3 seconds in to a rap battle
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11-14-2016 01:06 by snotty
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I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
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11-14-2016 07:39 by snotty
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So, Trump tells us to stop harrassing minorities, yesterday, on 60 Minutes. His wish is my command.
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11-14-2016 09:24 by Bart
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Hillary and Trump are in a boat and it sinks. Who survives? I'd say Hillary. According to Bill, she never goes down.

FUN FACT: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
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11-14-2016 11:23
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Old school slogan "Question Authority!" is replaced by today's "Question the News Media!" slogan
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11-14-2016 12:54
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#Life tip: if someone comes out of a #bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.

Who did you vote for?☐ Clinton ☐ Trump ☑ Vodka

Ran into a #PETA nut while walking my dog. He said my dog was my slave. Wonder if he noticed I'm the one carrying the poop in a bag?

How I love #Monday. On a different subject. Have you ever met someone for the first time and wanted to buy them a toaster for their bathtub?

A person without a sense of humor is like a car without shocks, they get jolted by every rock or pebble in the road.

I am in competition with no one. I run my own race. I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone, in any way, shape, or form. I just aim to improve, to be better than I was before. That’s me and I’m free.
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11-14-2016 15:30
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May your clothes be comfy. your coffee strong and your Monday short.
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11-14-2016 17:12
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KARMARIFIC : My new word For when karma gets someone so sweetly ..It's Karmarific !
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11-14-2016 17:14
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Hey, he just called you Indian. Oh hell'no. Hold my Fry Bread
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11-14-2016 17:22
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I'd publish my autobiography but it's just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.

A wife is like a box of chocolates, you never know which of her multiple moods you're going to get, you just better act like you love it.

Supermoon was OK... But according to Rotten Tomatoes, still way better than Supermoon v Batmoon.
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11-14-2016 20:00 by snotty
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When the moon hits your eye Like a bigger pizza pie,,,, That's a....Supermoon.
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11-14-2016 20:01 by snotty
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