Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 465 of 6400
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how am I supposed to look at the glass as half full when I drank all the beer??
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05-21-2010 11:35
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Dear Obama, Just a question… if I somehow am able to sneak into the White House (Illegally)… and I am wearing my normal day to day clothes, looking suspicious... Is it fair to assume that I won't be asked for my crudentials as long as I'm good?
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05-21-2010 12:06
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The Orioles have been so bad for so long that MLB is now requiring them to take performance enhancing drugs
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05-21-2010 12:22 by Mike
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As of tommorrow, Facebook will creep into your bathroom when you're in the shower and tweak your boobs. To change this option, go to Settings > Personal Settings > Bathroom Settings> Boob Tweakage Settings and uncheck the Shenanigans box.
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05-21-2010 13:34 by Lexicorro
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I know for a fact that one of my facebook friends are playing with thy self as I write this status..ok who is it???
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I stopped playing UNO with the Mexicans ,They Cheat They keep stealing all the Green Cards !!
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05-21-2010 15:06
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Karma: The "Gotcha" of the gods
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05-21-2010 15:34
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working on his six pack, of beer that is!
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05-21-2010 16:03
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if I mad 9.9 million dollars a year,.. a b*tch wouldn't be my problem either."
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nice perfume....must you marinate in it?
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05-21-2010 16:21
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just got a painting of David Carradine and I hung it in my closet.
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05-21-2010 16:33 by Leeferd
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There should be breathalyzers installed in phones and facebook, that read "cannot text, call, or update status while under the infulence"
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05-21-2010 16:41
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The founder of 'Jews for Jesus' died today.. the funeral will be catered by 'Vegetarians for Meat'
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05-21-2010 17:10 by jdpower
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When they say "instant credit," they actually mean "instant debt"!
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05-21-2010 17:27 by Mduduzi
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If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
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An Officer came to me and asked "Where were you between 4 and 6?" I responded "Kindergarten."
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I think my upstairs neighbors are shouting about who can stomp the loudest.
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05-21-2010 17:45 by Joser
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I miss The Oregon Trail. Life seemed so simple when your biggest worry was killing enough buffalo before you died of dysentery.
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05-21-2010 17:45 by Joser
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Where did Macaulay Culkin get the cardboard people for the party in Home Alone? Don't tell me you haven't also wondered this from time to time.
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05-21-2010 17:46 by Joser
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The Deadliest Catch would be so much cooler if they'd plant a serial killer on each boat.
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05-21-2010 17:46 by Joser
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