Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just learned of a new Bullsh!t double standard today For cops.. It is illegal as he!! for civilians to drive n talk on a cellphone without a hands free device, (which is a good Law).. But appearently cops are exempt from this law. How is that right?

   why am I so popular that all the facebook viruses come to me?????

   tennis players have fuzzy balls!!!!

   it's funny how social networking has made people more antisocial.

   "Silence is Another name for my Pain."

   Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.

   drinking a full bottle of Nyquil, knowing that he is trading a cold for a hung over.

   thinks that a bad thing about a good thing is that it comes to an end.

   thinks the C.E.O. of B.P. should go to J.A.I.L.

   Woman's Favorite Position is CEO.

   Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF

   For a guy who isn't affected by gravity, I'm pretty down to earth

   I dont do jokes about the Spanish....... no way Jose!

   Dude! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you...... And me...

   I can't help but wonder how police handcuff people with one arm?

   I've always wondered what would happen if I deleted my recycle bin...

   i need you like a water needs tea bag. You make me stronger

   Ultimate space? Kiss my A$$!!!! Find a better way...losers!!!!

   Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

   Terrance & Phillip should've really done the "lighting of the torch" during the Winter Olympics back then.....too late now.