Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   May the 4th be with you...but I need a Fifth.

   giggles everytime I see a "no shoes, no shirt, no service" sign. I am guessing that they don't care if you come in bare a$$ed?

   Mmmmm..ice cream sandwiches....i feel like such a tool though after chasing the ice cream truck screaming "wait, ice cream man"!

   would if be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   would it be cruel to kidnap a man and keep him for purely sexual reasons?

   was thinking, if lesbians use vibrators......isn't that cheating?

   how many tweets could tweetybird tweet if tweetybird could tweet tweets

   In these times, when a celebrity cheats on his wife with multiple women, he gets criticized and exploited everywhere. Back in the founding father days, a man cheats and his face ends up on the 1, 5, 10, 20, 50, and 100 dollar bill.

   life is short. have a ball, better yet have two

   Dear Terrorist, I don't get why you kill people in the name of God. If God wanted to take someone's life, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be asking for your help.

   give Tiger and Jesse a break. Obama is screwing the whole country

   When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness

   Paddy and Murphy walking down the road when Paddy finds a mirror He looks at it and says, "I'm sure I've seen this man before!" and then passes it to Murphy. Murphy then says, "You stupid idiot! That's me!"

   Pat Robertson is now blaming the oil spill in The Gulf of Mexico on promiscuous dinosaurs.

   it looks like my 401k took in the rear by some greeks

   wonders if Vancouver city cab drivers are prepared for Chicago Blackhawk Patrick kane's arrival.

   tall people get tired of you askin them to reach stuff on store top shelves, imagine askin midgets to opick yur change up off the floor at the register when dropped?

   must be the only one that has no idea wth a bieber is...the news is constantly giving alerts "just in..." Should I be frightened?!

   owns youtube, facebook, gmail, messenger and microsoft office. Now will you go out with me?

   Facebook knows me better than anyone