santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings

   Autocorrect me if I'm Rung,,, but there's no Tim like the presents

   I hope you were all good little boys and girls and Betsy Ross brought you all presents. Happy Flag Day to us all.

   Im Always Tree Shoppin Like Its Christmas

   Do dyslexic devil worshipers sell their soul to Santa?

   Can't believe it's almost Christmas in July

   My parents accused me of being a liar today! All I said was ''Santa Claus'' ''Easter Bunny'' '' Tooth Fairy'' and walked away. Shut them Up!!!

   Halloween = Candy, Thanksgiving = Food, Christmas = Gifts, New Years = Drinks, Valentines = Sex, Birthdays = ALL OF THE ABOVE

   He's making a list,, and checking it 42 times,,, then washing his hands 11x,, and finally touching the sleigh 3x for good measure...: OCD Santa

   They are making us take down American Flags off Bridges, Fire Trucks all across America! Watch, The National Christmas Tree is next, because it offends some people! Take back our Country before it's too Late!

   Just to remind you: about 152 Days left to Christmas and 148 until the end of world happens again! Enjoy it!

   Santa has elves. America has China.

   There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.

   No matter how old you are an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a Sword!

   I had a dream about a planet run by orphans who sing a song filled with unintelligible lyrics and had authority figures with voices that blared like brass. Then I woke up and A Charlie Brown Christmas was on.

   Pretty sure I know what my GF is getting me for Christmas. When I guessed, "a threesome?" she got all angry like I'd ruined the surprise.

   I don't care what kinda lighter you have, its fair game if its unattended. Unless its engraved, then I'll give it back for Christmas.

   gonna take the Christmas lights down...

   The way to a girl's heart is presents. The way to a woman's heart is presence.

   I can't believe they're holding off until Christmas for the M̶c̶D̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ McRib this season.....What better time of year for your McBowels to get the McMoves like McJagger and ruin your holiday?!