Funny Status Messages
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im going to steal my Brothers mushrooms and eat them so I can grow bigger like Mario! 
"Sing my music, Say my name" F A N D A N G O
David Cameron has said that Britain is prepared 4 nuclear attacks from North Korea. David we weren't even prepared for snow in the winter
When people don't know what's going on in your life they SPECULATE....When they think they know...they FABRICATE...AND when they do know.......they just HATE
Farting is an excellent example of faith. You are not 100% certain that something extra won't come out but still you push!
you aren't single because of your high standards. You're single because you're fugly...
I drop most of my money on wine, women and song. What's left gets spent foolishly.
When a Chick inboxes me, I take 3 weeks to respond to it. That'll fu*k her Ego up!
I gotta go to work and I can't find my hand basket!
My wife has always wanted me to learn to dance. I think I'll learn twerking...
Do you like dragons? Because I'll be dragon my balls across your face.
It's time for "Team America 2" to be released featuring Kim Jong Un...
Hey ladies complaining about not getting asked out: Don't be so stuck up. Put your number on the men's room wall like the rest of us.
"All guys are the same!" Well you should know, You tried them all!!
I hope one day The Rock opens a restaurant so I can finally smell......What the Rock is cooking.
This North Korea situation is turning into the slowest Bond movie ever.
I just read that the thoughts in our heads that we tell ourselves are actually things we were told as a young child that we have taken as truth... Dear grandkid… you are smart & amazing & you are going to buy yr Gramma chocolate everyday when she gets o
In Criminal Court, You See Bad People at Their Best; In Family Court, You See Good People at Their Worst
ProTip: Get hoarders addicted to crack,,, they'll sell off all their crap.......... Boom, problem solved.
Yeah,, I've tried boxers before,, but everytime I ran, it felt like someone was shooting dice in my pants.. 