Funny Status Messages

   being lazier right now than the guy who designed the Japanese flag.

   Abercrombie clothes are NOT meant to be worn by fat people, Just sayin'

   I'm giving up picking my belly button for lent.

   no one looks back on there lifes and remember the nights they got plenty of sleep.

   Like for impeachment

   How do people know Dinosaurs roared if nobody ever heard them do it?! ...Maybe, They Meowed

   Tig Olbitties would make a good stripper name!!

   theres the old saying "you are what you eat"....glad I'm not in Britian eating horse's ass

   giving away FREE Donkey Punches!

   Normally, having a pillow fight used to be fun, until "Memory Foam" made an appearance.

   I saw a flying saucer today. It appeared out of nowhere followed right after by the flying cup that my girlfriend threw at me.

   If you want something be misunderstood, post on Internet.

   In Miami: We had a great winter season lastnight, can't wait 'til next year.

   Say no to drugs and anyone who ask you if you talk to objects

   When someone looks over my shoulder while I'm on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."

   The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.

   FACT: One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.

   Somehow,, We've got to find a way to STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under.

   This electronic cigarette claims to contain no smoke, only water vapor. So apparently the best way to quick smoking is to slowing drown yourself.

   There's nothing hotter than a f@t girl in stockings. Not appearance wise, I'm talking temperature.