Funny Status Messages

   No matter what, there will always be dirty thoughts of you floating around in people's heads somewhere.

   The only card I want for Valentine's is VISA.

   Remember ladies; When men give women roses they expect Tulips in return.

   My wife got a "mood ring" that turns green when she's happy,, and leaves a big red mark on my forehead when she's mad.

   So the Pope walks into a bar........ because now he can.

   No I don't think Christopher Dormer feels like Jason Bourne.......he feels more like bacon.

   Popup ads are the Jehovahs witnesses of the internet.

   I just passed a guy doused in Polo cologne. For those of you born after 1989, Polo was a popular cologne then.

   I'm giving up snow for lent

   Got my left hand an awesome Valentines card and vibrating glove.

   Got my right hand a Valentines Day card. Had to sign it with my left hand so it will be a surprise.

   Girl On Fire by Alicia Keyes would be a great theme song for a Vagisil commercial!

   BBQ at Bear Mountain

   I bet if pigs could fly, their wings would taste delicious!

   Valentine's Day: Reminding unhappy single people that they're unhappy & single since the 19th century.

   If I were Obama, I'd totally lead with "My fellow Americans, the situation looks popeless."

   Being married for 20 years,,, our Valentine's gift to each other is usually staying awake past 8:30

   Hey,,,, I said I'd be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.

   I clicked on one of those " You've been unfriended by 3 people" messages,,,,,,,,,,, Now it burns when I post..

   Ever had garbage in one hand, but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand?..... Anyway, my grand-daughter's o.k.