Funny Status Messages

   We have 187 friends in common and I still have no idea who you are...

   Dear Men. When a woman is upset, don't ask her what's wrong, but for GODS sake don't not ask her what's wrong either. Hope this helps.

   The sign at this Burger King bathroom says employees must wash hands. I've been waiting for them to come wash my hands for an hour. Nothing.

   With the rush to run out and stock up on Twinkee's, I've invested my money this morning into insulin. Who's a thinking?

   What manner of devilry is this?!? Just when Colorado and Washington legalize pot - Twinkies goes out of business?!?

   maybe the Mayans were referring to the Twinkiepocalypse.

   Well, I guess Twinkies don't last forever.

   Sorry ladies, no more Ding Dongs---and sorry fella's, no more Ho Ho's...R.I.P. Hostess! ツ

   How are we supposed to get through the impending zombie apocalypse without Hostess Twinkies!?

   I live mosy of my life on the edge... Cause my fat ass girlfriend takes up most of the bed and couch.

   Why do men complain when women order a salad at dinner? She's doing your poor ass a favor.

   Accidentally ran over a guy and I stopped to call the ambulance but then I saw his ponytail. Now I'm treating myself with ice cream.

   People who never had suicidal thoughts probably never touched a wet bathroom door knob.

   "So You Think You Can Tickle A Polar Bear" is a show that I would love to watch.

   HA!!!!...Washington and Oregon legalize pot ...now Twinkies and Ho-Hos are out of business.. just a matter of time now before they declare a a state of emergency in those states!!!!...OMG... it's the TWINKIPOCALYPSE ... Maybe the Mayans were right!

   Whenever I hear "let us pray" My mind automatically adds "on the weak minded and gullible"

   I see your swag and I raise you a high school education.

   now with Hostess going out of business, we wont have any twinkies to eat when the zombie apocalypse happens

   Cooked with wine for the first time & I cut my finger, got a black eye, & After 2 glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen, But the important thing is that the wine bottle is open.... Over all not bad..

   You know It's going to be a good day when you hear "juke box hero" On the radio.