Funny Status Messages

   I don't call it "Drinking Coffee" I prefer "Installing Java."

   "He died doing what he loved, which was clinging to life and trying not to die, which he was very good at until recently."

   "I was country, when country wasn't cool"....newflash...it still isn't.

   Got a job at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. I start tomorrow. In the Beyond department.

   Ever notice the word "bed" looks like one?

   I'm allergic to tequila, I break out in handcuffs.

   Lady GaGa just signed a deal with a major corporation to represent her new clothing line. Hillshire Farms.

   Last years Halloween hand-outs of cough drops and marbles were such a hit, I'll be adding baby aspirin and cod liver oil to this years rotation....Trick-or treat! ツ

   my ex-girlfriend walked by me today with her new boyfriend, they both laughed, so I smiled and told him "you must be use to having seconds"

   Brrrr it's cold in here....Need a fire PIT...Would you be my fire pit??....I got wood!!!

   I wear a hoodie and shorts cause half of me don't give a s hit and half of me is cold…

   Smart enough to know better. Stupid enough to try. Stubborn enough to make it work, no matter what.

   Shut the hell up and do me. - How arguments should end.

   Made up Word of the Day: Dysfucktional.

   I bet before the judges enter their courtrooms, they smack each other on the ass and say, "Now get out there and do some justice."

   Its bad enough humour has dried up around these parts but now we have to resort to r acial humour? Really?

   Boy, they don't like when you go up for seconds at church.

   How women see word problems If Dan buys 6 pears, 4 apples & 5 oranges. How many women did that son of a b itch check out while he was there?

   It's not stalking if she doesn't know

   In video games I always get killed by the black zombies, and I can't shoot 'em because of the r acism thing.