Funny Status Messages

   30 years ago my wife got a tattoo of a horse head on her boob, it now looks like a giraffe

   There's plenty of fish in the sea. Build an aquarium...

   Wish MTV would make a show called "16 and mature"

   If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates - Jay Leno

   Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - Nikita Khrushchev

   When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. - Clarence Darrow

   Mmmmm. . .pi.

   I've got an Erection with a Direction .!.

   I am The King of Sting & The Master of Disaster !

   As it turns out, saying you worked out,,, Is MUCH easier than actually working out.

   There's always that one person you regret giving your number to.

   I watched a great puppet show last week. I think it was called The American Presidential debates or something

   Cop: Can you explain 2 me why you were doing 87 in a 60 zone? Me: I was haulin a$$ home to watch "Cops".

   I don't understand Bill Clinton's surge in popularity....Didn't he leave office a dozen years ago as an impeached, disgraced, censured, lying, philandering 2 timing, womanizing, intern-humping, hillbilly?

   When it comes to returning emails, I only have two speeds: within 3 seconds or within 3 months

   There are the same number of people on Facebook today as there were people in the whole world in 1804

   When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.

   The saddest people in the world always seem to be the nicest.

   Kids, try dealing with bullies the way I did: Grow up to be smarter, wealthier and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook.

   There's a difference between who we love, who we settle for, and who we're meant for.