santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   So apparently when you get pulled over around Christmas and the cop asks "Do you know why I pulled you over sir" The incorrect answer is "You know how important of a person I am and you figured this would be the only chance you would get to wish me a Merr

   Not feeling the Christmas spirit? Go elf yourself!

   Its never too early to start drinking on Christmas day :)

   Whenever I get a Christmas present that I don't want, I hold onto it and give it to someone else as their birthday gift.

   just opened an envelope with one of those 'glittery' Christmas cards inside, it looks like a unicorn just jizzed in my lap

   Last year I asked Santa to bring me the sexiest person alive for Christmas and I woke up in a box. I guess I should have been more specific.

   Last year I asked Santa to bring me the sexiest person . He sends me a note today "She is your Facebook friend_ you have her already" !

   We don't have mistletoe at Christmas so we just kiss under the influence.

   Your Christmas present will be all the more meaningful to me if you had to pepper spray someone in order to get it.

   I haven't received one single greetings card from an Ethiopian . . . . . Do they know its Christmas???

   All I want for Christmas is for her let me stuff her stocking with my holiday joy.

   We don't have a chimney but I've assured my children that Santa and anyone else could easily sneak into our home at night.

   Got a note from Santa, said I was in the record books for being on his naughtly list for more than 40 consecutive years......... I guess he didn't appreciate my wish list as I got a return to sender with a LMAO attached......

   Dont be suprised if a big fat man comes down your chimney and puts you in a black sack.. I told him I want you for Christmas.

   Last Christmas I gave you my heart. But the very next day you gave it away. This year I'll give it to someone speci....wait a minute! You re-gifted my heart!?!

   Just bought forty copies of Justin Bieber's latest CD as Christmas presents for all those who really pissed me off throughout 2011.

   Yeah, I can see where decorating your office for Christmas takes priority over you actually doing the job you're getting paid for. While you're at it you might as well decorate the bathroom too, someone might actually give a sh*t in there

   I still don't understand why these Christmas Carolers get spooked so easily....They act like they've never had a potato gun fired at them before! ツ

   Dear Santa, when I said I wanted something blingy around my neck.... STREP THROAT is NOT what I had in mind :/

   Correcting typos matter. Its the different between addressing a letter to Santa or Satan. It could save a child's soul.