Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Keep it down kids,,,, Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.

   I'm glad the whole planking phase is over. Now I can go back to napping on the sidewalk without worrying a picture will show up on Facebook.

   The most awkward part of going to a satanist church is when you get inside and everyone is wearing a snuggy.

   Toasters as wedding gifts don't make sense. If you and the person you're marrying don't have a toaster maybe you're not ready to be married.

   Look, unless you're not blind, get your dog off your lap while you're driving

   When a Mormon knocks on your door to tell you the "good word" you don't answer....why the hell would you want one to lead your country?

   FB is turning to be Bravo TV of the internet- too much drama and cat fights!!

   Anyone else with a Blackberry wanna play Draw Nothing?

   I prefer to believe that Eleanor Rigby was really quite popular,, and that her funeral just happened to coincide with the "American Idol" finale.

   I wish some people's clothes were made of Touch Screen Material !! :0)

   These bathsalts sure do make me feel funny.....

   Bath Salt party at my place tonight, parents are out of town!

   Today My NASDAQ of friend reports: A loss of 3 friends, thats down from last week. So I need funnier jokes ppl!

   You wanna know how my day is going ?? My M&M's Melted in my Hand and Not in My Mouth !

   SO THAT"S what a Super Massive Black Hole IS !? HUH ! I was thinking something TOTALLY DIFFERENT !

   In light of recent develops the once popular phrase "Eat Me" has lost popularity!!

   If the facebook app gets any slower my timeline will be going backward

   If coffee or booze can't fix it, then it's a serious problem.

   Libertarians keep Republicans out of your bedroom and Democrats out of your wallet.

   I'm hungrier than a Floridian Zombie!