Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   loves eating big meals. I especially love a 7 course meal, of which my best is a cheese burger and a six pack of beer.....

   Facebook is the epitome of six degrees of separation.

   it seems like facebook and apple have something in common...apple has the slogan there's an app for that...facebook should have a slogan that says there's a fan page for that.

   YOUR interest in your own kids: 100% Everybody else's interest in YOUR kids: 0.3%

   we know its women's day today so ladies will you stop flooding facebook with ur stupid updates and liking other women updates.. its not your birthday

   just found an excellent heroin dealer! His name is Al Vishniac and his address is 987 E. 7th st, Apt. 4-A.

   sharing his loneliness with a cup of Nescafé

   forcing herself out of bed and off to work and thinking that retirement is wasted on the old!

   When I die, I'm hoping that I have left a mark. As long as it's not in my underwear.

   working today to stamp out, eliminate and erradicate redundancy...

   golf helps him maintain his higher math skills.

   EVERY man agrees with his woman until she opens her mouth (to talk !)

   The hottest love has the coldest end !!!, Boyfriends come and go, but friends r forever.. enjoy ur SINGLE life

   congrats to obama's teleprompter on its best supporting win at the oscars last night

   Congrats to Obama for his Oscar win for best acting by a Politician last night ! !

   passed a homeless guy on the way to the Coinstar machine today. "Sorry, I have no change"...man was that awkward.....

   Sticks an stones will break my bones, but This Shovel will knock you the F*ck out!!

   'GO GREEN AND USE BOTH SIDES OF THE TOLIET ROLL'

   if you're not part of the solution, then you are part of the problem

   ever noticed on sponge bob that krusty crab is in bikini bottom...?