Funny Status Messages

   Always be yourself, unless you can be a penguin. Then always be a penguin.

   Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.

   Throwing ice at people who need to chill the fu@k out.

   going to upload a cat picture, but I don't like them!

   I just saved a ton of jail time by switching to Chris Brown!

   Danica Patrick is on the pole, is the best thing I've heard about NASCAR Nationwide Series Ever!

   I guess my other 510 friends have real lives!

   cleaning out his closet, I mean my loser friends that have real lives and never like my status!

   I was going to upload a photo of my biceps but I don't have a wide angle lens

   who was the idiot who made umbrella handles out of metal? it is like making a shark bite suit out of meat..

   It's official, I'm not gonna remember unless there's a Facebook event for it...

   While I do plan on checking out Malcom X for Black History Month, I am having a real hard time finding Volumes I-IX first.

   likes to slide the popcorn around the bottom of the bowl and dredge up the butter!

   Agnostic: a lazy Atheist, someone who can't make up his freakin mind. :)

   My neighbor is watching porn...on his 72 flat screen..I can see it from 300 yards away!

   I never bought you flowers, because I can't figure out what they mean.

   Why do we need algebra? ... Finding X is only useful if you're a pirate

   When a midget smokes weed does he get high? Or medium?

   Getting in an argument with women is like being arrested because anything you say can and will be used against you.

   Never trust a fat chick who doesn't wear her real size, she can't even be honest with herself.